Archive for the ‘This is Us’ Category

Queer Walk & Talk’s  Webpage now offers a Sub-Page reserved for snips of scripts I have completed.

Dialog or scenery enclosed in the scripts may have been discussed in previous posts on the blog. Whatever the regard, the snips are published for open public discussion. The blogs will also attach my personal opinion and assertive argument.

Queer Walk Art Talk invites you to respond to the blog’s content with your assertive opinion and supportive comment. Visitors who defer with the subjects please refrain from personal insult and keep your posts non-aggressive at all times.

 More on my writing on Harlan Z. Maroni. 

Please understand that this webpage is still under design. It will expand imaginatively.

Harlan Z. Maroni.

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Ferdi

Posted: January 6, 2013 in Homosexuality & The Bible, This is Us

In a previous post I’ve discussed Annalize, wife of the topic in this post.

A very few times I mention that I am okay with the idea that not everybody might like me or my sexual preference. I can live with the fact that not everyone may give a positive response to my choices, believes, assertive wants and needs. I might really not care about rude remarks or discriminating comments on my homosexual life. I am really open minded to other people’s opinions.

Then…

In times, like a recent visit to my cousin I learn that some people are just generally and universally ill in the mind… Like the pastor I’m referring to here.

Understand that I wrote an extremely ill-mannered post prior to this one. Then I decided that should I publish it, it would be aggressive rather than assertive. Thus the more polite post.

I thought people head off to Bible School to learn more about Jesus Christ and the miracles He brought to life on earth. Also to learn about His UNCONDITIONAL LOVE towards His followers while at the same time learning about how to be more Like Him.

It seems I was under the wrong impression.

Every day I understand better that the real reason some actually seek Biblical Education is so that they can see who can be God the best and who can sit on His throne the quickest.

I remind the reader that Pastor Ferdi is the pastor who actually preaches that “one can actually live without sin because he [Ferdi himself.] is without sin. And if he can be without sin everyone can be without sin.”

Now I’m really starting to misunderstand the entire crucifixion here. I was raised to believe that Christ was hammered to the cross for our sins. I never read Pastor Ferdi was hammered to the cross shouting “Father please forgive them for they know not what they do.” I never read Pastor Ferdi was hammered to the cross because I also learned that Christ Jesus of Nazareth was hammered to the cross BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY BEING WITHOUT SIN!

I really am happy that Pastor Ferdi finds it possible to be without sin cause Heaven knows I try and I just can’t.

I’ve heard of many remarks Ferdi commented, in my eyes all extremely out of God’s order yet the one that brings me to this post is the thought… The actual audacity… The mindless intellect… The impolite… Unmannerly… Lack in civility… Without actual mature consideration… Half-taught pastor would go so far as to actually insult my talents, from the same God Who created him I add, by calling it a demonic doorway leading to a failed marriage!

My cousin and her ex husband consulted Ferdi to marry them. They mentioned that they asked me to play the march on her entrance into the chapel as well as perform a wedding song I wrote myself. He mentioned that if they allow me to perform this song their marriage will fail, end in divorce due to the reason that I am gay. Because I’m gay they open a doorway inviting demonic strongholds into their marriage.

Yes! Read up. I said “ex husband.”

Course I only found this out after they divorced. I’m supposed to feel like insulted now?

On the wedding the bastard is actually friendly and asks about my talents and how they’re doing. HE COULDN’T EVEN SAY IT TO MY FACE!!!

Whatever the reason for the separation I have a lot of mind to share with Ferdi oh yes I do.

Ferdi: I’m sure if you were a sixth day creation [Refering to the Biblical Creation in Genesis.] you would’ve thought like a human. You can call me what you want and insult my talents as much as you desire but guess what!! I know you can’t stand the idea but JESUS LOVES ME TOO!! I don’t know what you think you preach but to me it seems nothing more than worthless meaning for if you were an upright, factual, accurate, proper, genuine preacher close to God’s heart people wouldn’t have walked out of your church faster than they walk in. Neither would your church have suffered financial crisis! You are one of the reasons I believe in Christ for if there is ‘a you’ there must be A God! All you make people do is despise you and your wife. One day you preached that if there is one thing God cannot do it is tell a lie. So you taught me that He meant it when He said He will send you to hell if you judge a fellow human. So what? Talents are only from God if they’re the talents of a heterosexual? No. All talents are from God Ferdi. If you choose to insult mine you choose to insult the works of Christ. You choose to insult Christ Himself. Then you’re actually telling Him that He messed up. But who can blame you? After all you are trying to be His Father! I just don’t get how I know of the UNCONDITIONAL love of Christ by just reading my Bible and you still haven’t heard of it even after you’ve attended Bible School.

My thought for today is for you Ferdi: If you really desire to be God so much, you should be willing to offer one of your daughters on a wooden cross for my sins so that I can at least get a fair chance before you just sentence me off to hell.

Harlan Z. Maroni.

I turned 18 today…

Posted: January 6, 2013 in Imagine this, This is Us

“I turned 18 today. Last night, when I was sitting next to her, mom told me that my life is just starting. We had a few laughs. She held me and told me how much I mean to her.

My chest is bouncing up and down because I’m out of breath. I’m running through quiet streets. If I wasn’t running from, I would probably have wondered how many people are up at this early hour.

The sun already sat high in the sky when I walked into mom’s room this morning. Dad already left. She was applying makeup.

I always wondered why she does this as she is already so, so beautiful.

I stood in the doorway smiling… Admiring this beautiful woman God gave me to.

I look behind me… I don’t see anything.

As I turn my eyes back to the front I feel the pain in my chest again.

I look down. I’m clamping my hand onto my chest… But it doesn’t hide the blood from the eye.

I try holding back the tears.

I walked deeper into mom’s room. Our eyes met in the mirror. She smiled, turned.

‘Morning baby. Oh…’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Not my baby anymore. Happy birthday.’

My smile followed.

‘Thank you momma.’

I look behind me. Nothing. Eyes back to the front.

I shouldn’t have told her… Because in an instant… Her smile faded… And her entire face became a death sentence.

My eyes start glittering.

Her voice raised in the kitchen. And she was constantly shouting the word fairy.

Because she was pouring wine her back was turned towards me.

‘Mom… I’m still the same perso…’

I couldn’t finish… I couldn’t say another word. I sunk my eyes onto my chest after a pause.

Eye contact.

‘Mom?’

Without any emotion in her eyes mom pulled the knife from my chest and stabbed me a second time.

This time I shouted.

I look behind me because I hear screaming brakes. A car speeds around the turn, accelerates towards me.

When mom pulled the knife from my chest the second time I slowly stood back.

I felt the tear run down my face.

‘I hate you.’ she said.

The tone in her dead voice convinced me of this.

Holding onto my chest I slowly turned then rushed out of the door.

‘Where are you going?!’ I didn’t answer. ‘Come back here!’

I start crying louder as the car approaches me.

‘I’m sorry.’ My voice is soft. ‘I shouldn’t have told you.’

I wanna go insane as I hear the loud refs behind me and to ensure myself that I’m still safe I have to look back… Again.

The car is already too close.

I feel, almost hear the breaks in my body as mom’s car bashes into me… And I cover my head with my arms as I smash out her windshield.

After my loud screams it becomes quiet.

Mom reverses… And gets out after a few silent seconds. I’m looking up at the clouds but hearing her heels I’m sure that her walk towards me is a slow one.

Our eyes meet when she stands still beside me. She still has no emotion in her face that blurs because of the tears in my eyes.

‘I… Will rather tell the world I killed my son… Before I tell it… He’s a faggot.’

I wanna speak… But I can’t… So I’m hoping that the tears rolling down my cheeks say enough.

I never watched mom leave…

I turned 18 today. Last night, when I was sitting next to her, mom told me that my life has just started…”

[This post is fictitious.]

©

One night my mom attends prayer meeting in the local church. I add that this is the church where the kids in our family all grew up in. Off course due to many reasons I don’t visit this church anymore.

The pastor’s wife… First let me tell a little about the pastor’s wife. Understand that I’m not sharing these thoughts with mind set on gossip or any negative discussion.

She’s been the praise and worship leader since I can remember. For some unknown reason her microphone always had to be the loudest. Aren’t we glad that in God’s eyes it’s not about who can sing… And who can’t? Her three daughters always had to be in charge of the things suited for their ages.

I remember a time a man, who appeared to be homeless, entered the church during praise and worship. He was wearing dirty torn clothes. I recall that good ol’ pastor’s wife went to him, spoke a few words and he left. I’m still not sure what was said to him but I’m sure his appearance… Well there are many houses of God that don’t welcome these appearances.

Over the years I’ve grown a large amount of hatred towards this woman as she is one of the people I believe consider herself too perfect to be human. One always has to understand the impression that she doesn’t make mistakes… She doesn’t fall… She doesn’t have shortcomings. I mean her husband, head pastor, actually went so far as to announce that he doesn’t sin!!??!!??

Despite my hatred I’m still not showing personal aggression towards her. I mean shouldn’t one respect an anointed of God?

I do.

Up until he or she tries to be God.

So during that prayer meeting pastor’s wife announces that a very well known preacher from the United States is building another church on the premises. These premises will now offer two churches to the public. One where everyone will carry on like always, and the other where homosexual people in desiring need of Jesus Christ are welcome.

Pastor’s wife actually went so far as to tell the prayers: “Please pray that this doesn’t happen.”

Yes… ‘What’ was my first response as well.

I understand that she might believe she’s not allowed to approve of homosexuality. I understand that she might consider herself the right hand of God even though she will never be that perfect. I understand that she might consider herself the one that carried Jesus’ load on her shoulders back when he was hammered to the cross.

Yet: Annalize you oversized, extra-large, mammoth, mega, jumbo, huge, gigantic, massively immense, colossal, enormous, gargantuan, anything but tiny bitch, how the fu¢k and in the Name of your God can you pray that He actually shuts the doors of his Home in the faces of those he desires repenting to Him?

Has it ever occurred that your prayers aren’t the only answered ones?

You’re supposed to be the Sheppard of those who crawl to the church’s doors. You’re supposed to be the guider of those who want to know God. You’re supposed to be the leader of those who wish to worship Christ Jesus. You’re supposed to be a fisherman!

Instead you’ll find a fu¢king way to drown the fish, throw gas on the water and set it on fire. Oh you just wanna make sure that those you despise can’t come to Jesus. Aren’t you glad you’re the one He entrusted with the check list at the pearly gates where you yourself will open the gates to those you believe belong in Heaven and show away the ones you can’t stand.

I don’t know what you mean to Christ. Yet to me you are nothing but a overgrown hormonal imbalance.

You make it sound like Christ didn’t even create us.

May it be so that each time you hear about a gay suicide in the past you start eating away at yourself. Don’t worry you’ll be up soon because there’s more than enough of you to feed the entire ocean!

Fellow gay… There are many times I hear of someone who stares into the eyes of sadness because of all the judgment… The remarks… The teasing… The hard journey… Often I hear of someone who doesn’t wish to face another hour only because there have been better days.

Please… Please… Please! Do not let people like the one I despise in this post convince you that you’re fake, unnatural, doomed, already sentenced to hell or unloved. Always remember that God doesn’t have ‘human favorites’ and therefore Jesus Christ took the nails for all of us. SO! IF HE DIDN’T LOVE ME HE WOULDN’T HAVE PAID FOR MY SINS!!!!!

I really hope, Annalize, that one day God doesn’t shut the doors of Heaven in your face because you chose to shut the doors of your church in mine. I don’t know the Grace Christ will show me when one day I stand in front of Him. Yet I pray that He will show you the same mercy He shows me. If you choose to pray that it will be none, then I guess we’ll burn in hell together you nasty bitch!

My thought for today: “In the Bible Jesus told his disciples to be fishermen of men. He NEVER told them to clean the fish. HE will do it HIMSELF in HIS WAY at HIS TIME. Come to God AS YOU ARE! NOT THE WAY ANNALIZE PREFERS YOU!”

 Harlan Z. Maroni.

Queer Walk Website

Posted: November 4, 2012 in Queer Walk Website, This is Us, Vision

Queer Walk’s official Assertive Gay Rights Activism Website is now active. You can visit the page @ www.queerwalkandtalk.webs.com

Please understand that it is still under design. The page will expand imaginatively.

In the month of breast cancer

Posted: October 30, 2012 in This is Us

As we come closer to the end of October I wonder what the month of breast cancer is actually all about.

Since I became aware that this month serves a positive attitude towards cancer I understood that campaigners take part in walks in honor of the fight against cancer. Glasses are raised for those who overcame the struggle. Funds are raised for improved research to bring a hopeful end to this big battle.

I was at a very young age when my grandmother passed away after falling into the diagnosis’s hands. I wasn’t all that part in the sadness those who walked at her side shared. I remember standing aside her coffin as it was lowered. My stepfather told me to drop the petals on the coffin and greet her one last time. I guess the only thing I was sure of was that I will never see her again in this lifetime.

Understanding, today, what cancer is all about I feel that some people really walk extra miles to turn this suffering into a precious and encouraging walk to cancer-freedom ensuring people that tomorrow can be faced and more importantly, conquered.

After attending some events against cancer I noticed that it isn’t the hope for complete cure that brings a smile to the faces of hostesses. It wasn’t a large amount of people who came together for a march that had everyone in ecstasy. It wasn’t the raised glasses… Or the raised voices yelling hopeful expressions… But with a comment such as “bring the money to us” I learned that it was rather the raised funds that have campaigners dance.

It really isn’t any of my business how the funds are handled. I just wish to express that it would be extremely morally wrong, depraved and corrupt to take someone’s money with the promise of a life changing trade and then actually run off with the sum to buy that new pair of shoes she’s been waiting for all this time.

It’s almost the same as those who stand at intersections asking for money because they claim they’re blind and later… When nobody’s looking they count the money with their own eyes.

This post really doesn’t serve as aggression to anyone who might make fools of people while hiding behind a campaign.

Today we have campaigns of all kinds. We have worldwide aids day. We have the fights against hunger and poverty. We have those who devote to the freedom of abused and misused women and children. We have the walks against elderly disabilities. Heck in my country we have had so many protests over the last periods of time I don’t even know what they all stand for anymore.

I just wish I could understand why I am not aware of any campaigns against the physical and emotional abuse on a gay man, a gay woman or a gay teenager. Why don’t I know of any devoted fighter who wants to bring an end to all the murders on a homosexual being? Keep in mind that the reason for the murder was his or her sexuality. If someone was to reason that he doesn’t like a person with a physical disease he can just shoot the person to death, it would be wrong.

But let’s not care about the gay who was run over by a car because the driver saw him kissing another man. Let’s not worry about the gay whose intellect was scraped off of the lounge’s walls because a father cold bloodily ripped out the pistol. Let’s not be concerned about the gay who was stabbed so brutally we don’t even know where to start looking for all of his insides on this dark road. It must be here somewhere though. Let’s not even bother cutting the rope that hangs teenager from the roof. He made the easier choice. He had it coming anyway as he was about to admit his homosexuality to his father. Let’s just not give a damn at all. Animals of strange species should be kept in laboratories where we can perform research on the strange behavioral mindsets and sexual preferences. No need to worry about fundraising for these… We can just wait until one day we might have pennies lying around that we can waste.

Does anyone understand my reason?

Women, in some cases even men, who face breast cancer can put on a television and see an ad that tells them where they can look for help.

A person who supports a parent with Alzheimer can drive to work and hear an ad on the radio that will guide their way to a support group.

People with drunken habits, misuse of drugs and smokers who desire to quit can attend AA meetings.

People can attend a fancy dress ball where the speaker will have so much advice on HIV Aids, and how to live the disease, or someone who has been diagnosed with the disease that afterwards the guests would know so much it would be as if they attended medical school.

But what about the man who doesn’t wish to face another day because it’s been a while without the father that disinherited him?

What about the woman who can’t stop crying anymore because her mother refuses to talk to her?

What about the teenager who wakes up, lies on his bed the whole day staring at the ceiling? Wondering… How he will admit his homosexuality to his parents… But in the end… Enters the bathroom and takes out the razor.

What about the teenager who refuses to go to school because he’s tired of coming home with bruises?

Where do all of these go? Where will they read about support? Where will they bump into some add on a lamppost? What television channel will assure them of a better tomorrow? Of a positive attitude towards homosexuality? Of a fight against physical and emotional abuse? Of glasses that are raised for those who overcame the struggle of being trapped in a closet? Funds that are raised to build homes for those who are no longer welcome in their own? That people walk extra miles to turn this suffering into a precious and encouraging walk to homo-freedom ensuring people that tomorrow can be faced and more importantly, conquered?

My thought for today: “People that consider homosexuality a disease should be willing to campaign for a better tomorrow for those who were diagnosed with it!”

Harlan Z. Maroni

Gay man’s paradise

Posted: October 30, 2012 in This is Us

What is it about a gay image consultant that just sweeps a woman off of her feet?

So I’m sitting here in gay man’s paradise on October 29, 2012. It’s a top to toe fashion show in a lodge with endless Niles of waters beautiful evening lights that guide your way to your seat. I am surrounded by such an amount of flowers and so I am sure that it’s not perfume I smell. This is nature in one of its most beautiful forms.

From outside I see hair that touches the roof of the rooms entered. Make up is done so extremely well if it were to appear on a screen it would tell a story the best animated artist never could.

Music makes me wish that it was Friday all over again. There are dancing DJ’s holding headphones to the ear with one hand while expressing the rhythms in their dancing moves… Smiling. There are live bands and lights by the many colors.

Picture the guests in formal dress. See the waiters serving them with those shiny round platters. Hear the sparkling wine that almost fill the glasses and for those single ones… Topless models covered in colorful body paint.

This happens an almost endless amount of times round about Pride month all over in South-Africa… And this time of year makes me remember just how exquisitely unique the gay man is.

While staring at the candlelight outside and listening to the jazz band I remember the number of occasions I would hear a woman say: “A gay man’s creativity is all the more originally acclaimed, recognized and respected.

By professional experience I should add from my side that I have learned to value the arts of a woman as there is the sum who expresses themselves very delicately and elegantly.

Still I enjoy this compliment towards the gay man whenever mentioned because it reminds me that behind all the sarcastic rude behavior towards the homosexual we are here with great creative purpose and without us the world would stand completely still.

This is the reason why you would often hear a gay man talk to himself because all of us know that sometimes all of us need counsel from a skilled, professional connoisseur.

Being an consultant in beauty myself I enjoy listening to the women that remind my mother how lucky they consider her to have a homosexual son who can make her more beautiful whenever mother and son feel like playing.

I would always consider my mother my most important, most considerate, most generous and most significantly also my most beautiful client. She has a son who can tell her how beautiful she is and also an older son who can show her how beautiful she is.

My reason for this post is this: A gay man might wake up to a day he isn’t looking forward to. He might get into a car he doesn’t really feel like driving. If unhappy in his career he might head off to a profession he doesn’t feel practicing. On his way to work he might think of an argument with his parent about his sexuality he doesn’t really wish to remember. He might come home to an empty apartment without the friends who chose not to support and respect his choice to love the same sex.

YET…

Whenever the sun sets and evening lights come out… Whenever the day makes way for the night. Whenever the doors of work close so that the doors of entertainment can open… Whenever the desk makes way for a mixer… Whenever a reception stands aside for a dance floor… Whenever the office allows the ramp to step up… He knows that he created this evening everyone else marries tonight!

My thought for today: “If the gay weren’t there to walk the day… The straight wouldn’t have been all that able to paint the night.”

Harlan Z. Maroni.