Archive for the ‘Imagine this’ Category

I turned 18 today…

Posted: January 6, 2013 in Imagine this, This is Us

“I turned 18 today. Last night, when I was sitting next to her, mom told me that my life is just starting. We had a few laughs. She held me and told me how much I mean to her.

My chest is bouncing up and down because I’m out of breath. I’m running through quiet streets. If I wasn’t running from, I would probably have wondered how many people are up at this early hour.

The sun already sat high in the sky when I walked into mom’s room this morning. Dad already left. She was applying makeup.

I always wondered why she does this as she is already so, so beautiful.

I stood in the doorway smiling… Admiring this beautiful woman God gave me to.

I look behind me… I don’t see anything.

As I turn my eyes back to the front I feel the pain in my chest again.

I look down. I’m clamping my hand onto my chest… But it doesn’t hide the blood from the eye.

I try holding back the tears.

I walked deeper into mom’s room. Our eyes met in the mirror. She smiled, turned.

‘Morning baby. Oh…’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Not my baby anymore. Happy birthday.’

My smile followed.

‘Thank you momma.’

I look behind me. Nothing. Eyes back to the front.

I shouldn’t have told her… Because in an instant… Her smile faded… And her entire face became a death sentence.

My eyes start glittering.

Her voice raised in the kitchen. And she was constantly shouting the word fairy.

Because she was pouring wine her back was turned towards me.

‘Mom… I’m still the same perso…’

I couldn’t finish… I couldn’t say another word. I sunk my eyes onto my chest after a pause.

Eye contact.

‘Mom?’

Without any emotion in her eyes mom pulled the knife from my chest and stabbed me a second time.

This time I shouted.

I look behind me because I hear screaming brakes. A car speeds around the turn, accelerates towards me.

When mom pulled the knife from my chest the second time I slowly stood back.

I felt the tear run down my face.

‘I hate you.’ she said.

The tone in her dead voice convinced me of this.

Holding onto my chest I slowly turned then rushed out of the door.

‘Where are you going?!’ I didn’t answer. ‘Come back here!’

I start crying louder as the car approaches me.

‘I’m sorry.’ My voice is soft. ‘I shouldn’t have told you.’

I wanna go insane as I hear the loud refs behind me and to ensure myself that I’m still safe I have to look back… Again.

The car is already too close.

I feel, almost hear the breaks in my body as mom’s car bashes into me… And I cover my head with my arms as I smash out her windshield.

After my loud screams it becomes quiet.

Mom reverses… And gets out after a few silent seconds. I’m looking up at the clouds but hearing her heels I’m sure that her walk towards me is a slow one.

Our eyes meet when she stands still beside me. She still has no emotion in her face that blurs because of the tears in my eyes.

‘I… Will rather tell the world I killed my son… Before I tell it… He’s a faggot.’

I wanna speak… But I can’t… So I’m hoping that the tears rolling down my cheeks say enough.

I never watched mom leave…

I turned 18 today. Last night, when I was sitting next to her, mom told me that my life has just started…”

[This post is fictitious.]

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Perhaps you can’t remember…

Posted: October 28, 2012 in Imagine this

He sat there in the rocking chair… Reading a book he couldn’t wait to find when the envelope slipped through the mail slot. At first he only stared, then got up and headed to the door slowly.

The envelope announced a letter from his mother. His mouth fell open in a smile wondering, just hoping that this time it might be good news.

Rushing back to the chair he opened the letter and started reading as he sat down.

“Child…

Perhaps you can’t remember that you were raised in a religious home but your father and I would always see you off to church on Sundays.

Perhaps you can’t remember that you learned about Jesus and all of his great miracles but you would run home to tell us about these.

Perhaps you can’t remember the things Jesus taught during his time here on earth but you would always know when it’s right to do something… And when it’s wrong.

Perhaps you can’t remember the laws of God… But you always respected his commandments.

Perhaps you can’t remember the times you prayed… But you always understood that the prayer of a righteous carries great strength.

Perhaps today you can’t remember that God made Adam for Eve… And not a man for Steve… Or even that God destroyed Sodom because man loved man…

Apart from the Bible…

Perhaps you can’t remember that I taught you that your lifestyle is wrong but you always knew you live by an unnatural law.

Perhaps you can’t remember I told you I can’t respect your choice to love someone of the same sex but you always knew I never accepted it.

Perhaps you can’t remember the pain you caused me when you told me you’re gay… But I can never forget.

Perhaps you don’t remember that I asked you not to contact me again… But I’m sure I made it very clear I never wanna hear from you as long as I live.

Please respect this.

Signed… The woman that used to be your mother.”

She made herself comfortable on a sofa in front of the window before the nurse walked into the room. She handed an envelope to her with a smile, announced that it had just arrived.

She opened the letter and wondered if the marks on the paper were made by tears. As if she could hear the calm voice speak the words on the paper, she read:

“Mom.

Perhaps you can’t remember that I was never raised in a religious home but was rather brought up by a woman who thought she was Mary and a man who considered himself God.

Perhaps you can’t remember everything I learned about Jesus but when I ran home to share it with you I found you passed out on the carpet.

Perhaps you can’t remember reading about the things Jesus taught during his time here on earth but I know that during this time… He was always among the sinners where He spoke of his Father’s undying love for me.

Perhaps you can’t remember any of God’s commandments but I know that Jesus’ most important rule is that we should love one another as He loves us.

Perhaps you can’t remember I thanked Jesus for giving me you during the times I prayed but I know that I always respected you no matter what.

Perhaps you can’t remember why God gave Adam Eve but I know why Jesus became Man.

Perhaps you can’t remember that Sodom wasn’t destroyed only because of same sex lust but I know that I am one of the sinners Christ gave his Life for.

Perhaps you can’t remember that no human will ever be perfect… And that you weren’t hammered to a wooden cross… But Jesus.

Apart from the Bible…

Perhaps you can’t remember why in the end no one threw a stone at the whore but I always knew that I can’t point out your mistakes… Your shortcomings… Your drunken habits… You misuse of drugs… Your gambling weakness…   Your inappropriate dress code… Your hate speech towards your neighbor… Your disrespect towards my grandmother… Your unfaithfulness towards my father…

Perhaps you can’t remember that I never asked you to respect my choice… That… In fact… I never asked you for anything other than love…

Perhaps you can’t remember the pain you caused me when you told me you can’t love an animal… But I would never stop adoring you.

Perhaps you can’t remember the times I found you asleep with a burning cigarette in your hand… But you never woke with a burn wound.

Perhaps you can’t remember the times you fell asleep outside on the porch because you couldn’t even make it inside the house… But you would never spend a night outside.

Perhaps you can’t remember the times you were ill… But you would always be taken care of… And looked after.

Perhaps you can’t remember the times you couldn’t face another day… But I was always there to stand tall on your behalf.

Perhaps today… You can’t remember that I respected when you said not to contact you again… But each time you’re the one to write.

Perhaps today… You can’t remember I respected when you made it very clear you never wanna hear from me again… But I haven’t called you in more than half of my life… Or written to you for the same amount of time.

Perhaps today… Because you have Alzheimer… You can’t remember that this is the twenty ninth time you’re sending me this letter… But I still can’t hate you.

Perhaps today… Because you have Alzheimer… You can’t remember I told you it hurts not to see you… But I still can’t stop loving you. Perhaps you can’t remember that this was the last thing I said to you in person… But please don’t let your hate towards me… Stop you from entering God’s paradise…

Perhaps today… Because you have Alzheimer… You can’t remember me say that no sin is bigger than another in the eyes of God… But please forgive me before you pass on this side… So that God can forgive you before you arrive at the other.

Perhaps you can’t remember one day you actually loved me… But I know Christ Jesus loves me… And that God loves me… So much… He created me… Despite the mistakes He knew I would have before He thereafter bought me with the Blood of the Same Son… That cares for you… As much as He cares for me.

Signed… The man that will never be your son.”

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A gay teen’s freedom

Posted: October 25, 2012 in Imagine this

“It’s winter… But it really isn’t as cold as the forecast said it would be. Maybe it’s just because I overdressed before I left home this morning.

It’s still early… I bet school hasn’t even started for my class yet. I’m sure they won’t even realize my absence today… And IF I have to be back tomorrow… They won’t even ask me where I’ve been.

My eyes are lowered… I’m wondering how much manpower it took to position the railway… From up here… On the bridge where I’m sitting… It looks small, the railway… But I can just imagine the weight…

I know the trains pass underneath me at a high speed… But every time I feel the ground shaking when one passes… I remind myself that it must be faster than I can imagine.

I’m gonna miss my history test today… I’m not even sure if dad will be angry… Cause even though I am intelligent… He doesn’t notice my intellect… Or any of me for that matter.

The ground’s starting to shake again… I hear a train approaching. I should hold on… Or I might just fall to my death from up here.

It passes.

Silence.

I hear a few birds and I wonder why all species don’t migrate for the winter.

I’ll probably sit here until I have to go home… I need to tell mom and dad… I’ve been keeping this secret for such a long… Long time… But I know what they’ll say… I know how they’ll react… Dad will tell me he didn’t raise no fairy… Mom will probably cry… And tell me to leave…

I’ll have nowhere to go… Because by the time I knock on the first door… Mom would already have called to tell that I admitted my homosexuality.

I look up. Everything it so beautiful from up here. Everything looks so peaceful… And now… It sounds so quiet.

They’ll hate me…

I feel the ground shaking… I don’t see the train approaching yet… But I can hear it.

They’ll really hate me…

If I think of being trapped in the closet another day… My eyes glitter… If I think of coming out… My cheeks are wet… Cause if I think of what they’ll do… I fall apart…

I can see the train now.

I’m standing up because it’s time to leave… I should get off of this bridge now.

So I jump… I freefall to the ground… And as I turn my face sideways… I see the train approaching me…

I hear the breaks… I close my eyes before the train smashes into me…

I don’t know what will happen after I’m gone… But because someone will tell them I’m dead… I won’t have to tell them I’m gay…”

[This post is fictitious.]

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