A gay teen’s freedom

Posted: October 25, 2012 in Imagine this

“It’s winter… But it really isn’t as cold as the forecast said it would be. Maybe it’s just because I overdressed before I left home this morning.

It’s still early… I bet school hasn’t even started for my class yet. I’m sure they won’t even realize my absence today… And IF I have to be back tomorrow… They won’t even ask me where I’ve been.

My eyes are lowered… I’m wondering how much manpower it took to position the railway… From up here… On the bridge where I’m sitting… It looks small, the railway… But I can just imagine the weight…

I know the trains pass underneath me at a high speed… But every time I feel the ground shaking when one passes… I remind myself that it must be faster than I can imagine.

I’m gonna miss my history test today… I’m not even sure if dad will be angry… Cause even though I am intelligent… He doesn’t notice my intellect… Or any of me for that matter.

The ground’s starting to shake again… I hear a train approaching. I should hold on… Or I might just fall to my death from up here.

It passes.

Silence.

I hear a few birds and I wonder why all species don’t migrate for the winter.

I’ll probably sit here until I have to go home… I need to tell mom and dad… I’ve been keeping this secret for such a long… Long time… But I know what they’ll say… I know how they’ll react… Dad will tell me he didn’t raise no fairy… Mom will probably cry… And tell me to leave…

I’ll have nowhere to go… Because by the time I knock on the first door… Mom would already have called to tell that I admitted my homosexuality.

I look up. Everything it so beautiful from up here. Everything looks so peaceful… And now… It sounds so quiet.

They’ll hate me…

I feel the ground shaking… I don’t see the train approaching yet… But I can hear it.

They’ll really hate me…

If I think of being trapped in the closet another day… My eyes glitter… If I think of coming out… My cheeks are wet… Cause if I think of what they’ll do… I fall apart…

I can see the train now.

I’m standing up because it’s time to leave… I should get off of this bridge now.

So I jump… I freefall to the ground… And as I turn my face sideways… I see the train approaching me…

I hear the breaks… I close my eyes before the train smashes into me…

I don’t know what will happen after I’m gone… But because someone will tell them I’m dead… I won’t have to tell them I’m gay…”

[This post is fictitious.]

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